The Mental Remnants

Reset

2009-11-02T23:51:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've been here before, somewhere a step outside of what I'd call comfortable. Vacation was good, time well spent for the most part even though my to do list grows day by day. I'm definitely feeling more at home in Fresno, probably since I've been living with friends and don't feel completely restricted to my own room. I spend a good deal of time in Bakersfield for various reasons. Friends and family primarily, though I do try to leverage that into work time. There is more than a slight feeling of living in two places at once.

I'm not really sure how much I can talk about work here, but I'll just say I'm feeling more in place now than i was when I last updated this. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not but I really am feeling more sure footed about it.

So if I'm feeling more comfortable about where I'm at and what I'm doing, why is it that I feel about the same as I was at the beginning of the year? While I do know what the answer to that question is, I'm rather stumped as to where to go from this point. The past month has been interesting to say the least. I've done somethings that I've been meaning to do for a long time and I feel much better for it. I've also done somethings I feel kinda bad about, but ultimately don't regret.

Ultimately I'm back where I was in February; apologizing for this breaking down into a "bitch blog", go figure. However I do want to thank you for putting up with it, that is if you got this far. To make it up to you, I'll make sure to post after my trip up to Portland/Salem about how much fun I had and all the micro-brews I drank.

Night everyone, I'm going to sleep.

Getting Around to Watching Some Flix

2009-03-17T03:44:00.000-07:00

Hi there,
I'm the type of person who always has about seventy five things on the back burner that I never get to and about one or two things that I get done. This blog posting is one of those things that I finally feel ready about tackling. It's not anything huge, like some great epiphany about where my life is or me getting things off my chest. It's something much more mundane yet hopefully something I hope to make a regular feature here: movie reviews.

Recently and quite unintentionally I went on this big documentaries kick in terms of the movies I've been watching and I'd like to drop some thoughts and recommendations for you all. I'll try to do these over the course of the week and hopefully talk about a few of them on upcoming episodes of the Really Shitty Show.

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
The first film in this post from director Alex Gibney, Gonzo as a film, serves a couple functions very well. In telling the story of the rise and fall of journalist/drug user extraordinaire Hunter S Thompson we do get the blow by blow accounts of the over 30 years of his influence in American politics and culture. We follow him throughout the years from riding with the Hells Angels to running for Sheriff in Aspen to his coverage of the 1972 presidential campaign. We do get an idea of the scope that his life was and the legacy he left in the counter culture for the last quarter of a century. In the second thing I feel the film succeeds at is that I'm not quite sure what to make of this legacy by the end of the movie. Sure there's sense that a voice like Thompson's is needed now more than ever, but the film doesn't try to shy away from the fact he also took the political counter culture a few steps back. I'm left feeling like Thompson is part of the reason people like Bill O'Reily calls young political minded people "stoned slackers". Through his popularity, we're given that stereotype and yes I do include myself in that group.

Yes there is an adoration all over this film for Thompson and his work, his worldview, and his overall craziness. Though, for all the praise, I still feel the cautionary tale in the movie and that's a good thing. For the celebratory tone of the film we still get a "but ..." and that's all I can ask for out of documentary that obviously has so much love of its subject.

To sum up, and for those who skipped the past two paragraphs just to get to the point. If your only exposure to Hunter S. Thompson is Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro running from lizards and bats in Nevada, and dig political history, go check out this film. If you have no idea what the hell I just said, docos bore you to tears and don't follow politics, maybe not so much. If your somewhere in between, and bald, gun crazy dudes doing lots of drugs seems like the kind of people you might want to hang with, feel free to learn some stuff.

Verdict : Bottom of the netflix cue (aka when you get around to it)

Grooves

2009-02-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

Hi all,
Every once in a while I'll come to a realization about my life that makes me a little reflective. Not some moment of clarity but a small tidbit that probably makes a big difference in the type of person I am.

I haven't had a steady day to day schedule in almost a decade. Between jobs and school there hasn't been a time where I feel like I'm in a groove. I guess to some people that would be a great thing in the sense that you avoid a dull repetition but I don't think I've avoided that either. Maybe it was just a tedious time but I've realized that I have no internal clock. I don't get tired at a specific time or wake up when I need to. It's one of those things that has let me be flexible with work in the past but now it's a complete hindrance.

This new job requires a certain schedule, and it's not one that I've ever been good with. I should be getting up around 6 and out the door by 6:45 - 7:00 and I should be getting home around 3:00 - 4:00 but that's usually not the case. I can do that fine if I'm meeting someone at work but since I'm working alone almost everyday I can't bring myself to get up most mornings. The sad thing is that I'm still getting up very early compared to where I was this time last year. The problem is that still isn't good enough. Hopefully this will get easier with time but man, it sucks now.

I didn't want this to be a "bitch blog" but at the same time I do like the idea of having a place to air out my headaches. But no fear! I have been watching a bunch of movies lately (all documentaries) and feel the need to write something up about them. I got one more to watch tomorrow and I let you all know what I think. Like you care or something

Laters

Starting off fresh

2009-02-08T03:54:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

I've finally gotten around to starting a new blog, and hopefully it won't deteriorate in updates like all my other ones. I'm currently up late, cleaning my room and getting the itch to do other things I've been putting off, hence the new blog. So congratulations, your reading the result of a fresh batch of late night caffeine and some spur of the moment productivity.

I'll try to keep things lively in upcoming posts but don't be surprised to see me bitching about my life. I can't afford a therapist so like millions of other people I've decided the best way work through any mental anguish is by posting thoughts to the internet.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.